Who I Am

Who I Am

I tend to gravitate towards people that I have to fight for their attention and to entertain them. I suppose that I strive to be noticed sometimes. It’s emotionally and physically exhausting most of the time.

I tend to fall for women who are strong-willed and independent, for I find that attribute attractive. The problem with that is that they don’t usually need someone else/want somebody else to make them happy. They are content already. Some will use me as a person to talk to during moments when they feel emotionally weak, and then let me go until I am needed again.

I tend to be the jealous type when I’m close to people in a relationship and somebody new enters the scene. I always have to make sure that they aren’t trying to steal that person away/replace me.

I take care of my body based on what I feel is right. I do not take people’s health food suggestions, for everybody’s health is different.

Whatever money I have left over from paying all of my bills, I will spend on random things without notice. Sometimes I forget how much money I have left and have to sell things to make sure that I’m not running out of money.

I feel like my calling in life is to entertain people. To what capacity, I’m not sure. I would love to be an actor or a musician, but I can’t dedicate to my craft. I’m afraid that my conception of my best work is not meet people’s expectations.

I want to be as good as I can be in life, but at what point can I just look at my life and say, “This is as good as it can get”

I am confident at heart, but sometimes my emotions overcome me and I fill up with sadness and go to a dark place inside. It sometimes takes days for me to be myself again.

I no longer put friendships on pedestals, and just accept people for who they are, and not try to subconsciously change who they are.

I need time alone to recharge from being around people for long periods of time.

I am sometimes so mysterious, even I don’t know what I am doing.

The greatest things in life that attract me, are sometimes the strangest things. I show people the majority of things that I find amazing, and they question my suggestions.

I am important. As to what I am important in my life, I’m not sure yet.

I stay up until the early hours of the morning, browsing my computer to learn all sorts of useful information (Did you know there are a bunch of different rat traps you can use besides your traditional rat traps? It’s all on YouTube.)

I am tired. Most of the time.

I imagine having a life-changing story, which mostly involves me losing weight and being fit, more attractive, and having my life in order. Kind of like one of those Swan Princess/Best Friends/Ugly Duckling effects.

I play video games a lot because I grew up playing them, and I love going to a place to escape. Some people watch sports for countless hours or go rollerblading to pass the time; but I play video games.

I never mean to hurt anybody intentionally. If you love someone, you should never try to emotionally hurt them.

I overthink when my emotions are the driving force. 

I’ve learned to stop being so passionate and critical about things that really aren’t as important in my life. I don’t let things bother me as much.

Based on my childhood alone, I have to relearn a lot of things as an adult in the real world.

My biggest critic in life is myself.

I love myself more than I ever have in my lifetime, and sometimes self-love requires self-realization.

I believe that everybody has their own personal beauty. And whoever believes that your personal beauty is beautiful, is worth being with.

I am Canaan.